20 years

Salaam. today marks the 20th year of my renal transplant. The first renal transplant in Malaysia was performed 16 years before my renal transplant! I hope the man is still doing okay. Whatever it is, God has been kind to all of us.

I had forgotten about today, until, this morning, when, during my extra Biology class with 13/27 students came for the extra class (not bad, just below 50% attendance), by the name of Yuthisthran, was given a happy 17th birthday wish. When told of the date today, it came rushing back to me about the importance of this day.

And so, after lunch, I went to Secret Recipe and bought a delicious Banana Chocolate cake to celebrate with most beloved sister, donor, ONI who happened to be at her daughter's house, Emma, together with her 2 grandsons, Imran and Adam.

And so we had what turned out to be a little cosy yet merry party to celebrate the 20th year of my renal transplant.

But you know what, I think I am going to make a little bit more elaborate "makan" for this occasion for the rest of my siblings, seeing that Ramadhan is now just round the corner...if Allah so Wills.

a special thank you cake for a very special donor!

Sis Oni cutting the "transplant cake!"

Donor sis and recipient me together...after 20 years...

ALL PRAISE TO ALLAH - 20 YEARS ALREADY!

Salaam. It is now 2130 hours - and I am stuck at chapter 5. Its not for the lack of plots and ideas, but more on how to connect one episode to another. So, whilst I wait for inspiration, I might as well write something on this blog...not simply write, but because 20 years ago, today, holds a very significant event in my life.

I cannot even begin to thank Allah that it has been 20 years already that I have gone through my renal transplant. Gosh...the wonders of modern medicine and modern science never cease to amaze me...and the miracle of God...yes, for every little thing that passes through our lives, that we take for granted, they all are miracles to me after my new lease in life ...from 20 years back. While many females shudder at the thought of sweat, I am grateful for being able to sweat again for these past 20 years.. a sign that my system is on the go, and that it is removing excess heat, and excess urea and nitrogenous waste products from my body. Trust me, it is no small deal when your body fails to remove excess heat from you - it makes you feel like being in a state of perpetual low grade fever - a very depressing feeling, I assure you.

Today I am taken back to that fateful Tuesday (wow ..and it was a Tuesday too), when my most beloved sis, ONI, and I were wheeled to the operation theatre for the transplant. I was a horribly thin (38kg) individual, dark, with dry skin and pale lips and childless...and now 20 years later, today, I am this chubby woman, still dark, but no longer pale and my skin is no longer dry. And above all, I am so grateful to Allah that I feel as good as any other healthy person out there. And you know what...many people are taken aback when I tell them that I am a renal transplant patient. My appearance today, all praise be to Allah, does not, in any way, give away any telltale sign of being a transplant patient. Even the moon faced syndrome due to steroid intake has reduced quite considerably.

But above all, above all, the greatest miracle following my transplant are my two handsome, intelligent, obedient young sons, Ashraf (who now prefers to be called Ilman, excuse me) and Zakiy. I am forever thankful to God for them both; I mean even some healthier women are childless today, but I am so blessed to be given this second chance in life.

And although taking steroid is not without its adverse side effects, I have been living this good life for 20 years now. Of course I pray that I live for many more years, in time to see some of grandchildren at least, but these 20 years of life, on most part have been very good to me, with both my boys beside me. My fate is in God's hands, and He is the Best to decide when my time is due... I surrender my fate to His Will. Allah has been kind to this servant of His, and today I stand humbled, and repentant over my sins and wrong doings. Yet, I believe that Allah, His Most Merciful accepts me as I am, weakness and all...I believe that of my Creator...

And it is for this love of God, you know what, that I am so thankful to all - my sister Oni, my husband, my parents, my brothers and sisters who all love me very much, and I can feel their love every moment, all the doctors, especially Dr. Zaki Murad, and my uncle, Dr. Prohoeman (who retired and returned to Sumatera just after my transplant), the nurses and all those who have crossed my path, relatives, friends and students who have prayed for me...THANK YOU all and may God reward you....

And as for my 2 gem - one of you guys, if not both...please be a doctor, and do service to mankind...at least I can comfort myself knowing that I have contributed to the good of mankind, through the both of you.

Whatever that comes now, and after this, I shall learn to take things in my stride. I was in my mid twenties when I had my transplant, and now I am in my mid forties...times have changed, many things have changed, some loved ones have come and gone, I have had my shares of ups and downs, my share of tears and laughter, my fill of joy and heartache. And you know what? All of this is possible...because of this day, 20 years ago, when I was given a new lease of life...and because of it, I embrace life now... and all it has to offer. And God knows best.

with a nephew, Emir just before transplant

with another nephew, Jimmy, just after transplant...fighting for the "most chubby" trophy!

still able to celebrate yet another birthday, all praise be to Allah!

and to fool around on other people's birthday - Mak's recent birthday.

Innertalk

Salaam. Today, I attended the Innertalk Stress Management Talk from 10 am to 12.30 am in Damansara Perdana. Actually, I came to know about this talk when I bought two of the Innertalk CDs during the recent BookFair. However, I have heard of Innertalk programmes since last year, but only now decided to get into this programme.
The talk was a very relaxing one, with only 8 attendees...very cozy indeed. You know what, I could relate to many of the information presented by the speaker, Chandran. So it looks like I am stressed out hahaha. To summarise, stress is basically related to these 2 fields of life: work and relationships. He cited examples about stress faced by people in different walks of life ; pregnant mothers, parents of ADHD children, teachers (me..me...me...) and between spouses and so on and so forth.
Then, as suggestions to solving the stress issues, Chandran pointed out that any external solutions will not be effective in the long run, for as long as we do not take charge of ourselves from within, from focusing our inner strength and detoxifying all negative thoughts which have been embedded in our subconscious, sublimal mind - etches or pictures which we call ENGRAMS. These engrams are like the triggering word/phrase that hypnotists use to instruct the person being hypnotised to carry out instructions that have been told to them when in state of hypnotism. The trigger wordphrase make us react without us having control of our actions. So, just imagine if negative thoughts have been embedded in our thoughts for so long, they can have real dire repercussions on our lives!
Stress must be addressed ...and handled. The thing is for us to be a Master, having control of our stress, instead of being the Victim, where we are helpless to manage our stress. This strength must come from within, and it starts off by detoxifying our minds from all previous negative affirmations we have heard directly or indirectly before. The INNERTALK programme is basically a series of CDs which on the outward appear to be soothing or rejuvenating music or sounds, but in effect, sublimally, in the low frequency background, positive messages, positive affirmations are being sent to us simultaneously. It is sublimal, so it means that once we put the CD on, we can go about our business as usual, as the messages reaches us in our subconscious minds no matter what.
My boys and I have been trying out these CDs for about a month now..and slowly, almost unconsciously, unawares, I begin to see subtle changes within me, and the boys. The CDs which I have bought so far are basically to aid learning, i.e. Accelerated Learning, Concentration and Creative Writing. One of the participants who attended the Stress Management today, was a lady from India, who has an ADHD child, and she claims that after tirelessly trying to help her child, she has finally found that the Innertalk CD on ADHD actually succeeded in helping her son..and I could see she is a staunch supporter of this programme.
You know what...anyone reading this, should just give it a go. The whole brain talk programme caters for most of our needs. It is easy to use, it addresses our subconcious minds, so the results will come almost unawares, and the positive affirmations will only make our outlook to life much better...nothing to lose actually.
Anyway, for those interested, try logging on to www.Innertalk.com.my
O by the way..I bought 3 more cds today, two are for improving my stress level...am hoping to detoxify my mind and help me handle stress better, only so I can avoid giving stress unconsciously to my boys and students. This is my investment.

When things get too much...

Salaam, sometimes life simply sucks! Of people breaking promises to us, of people who do not mean what they say, of people betraying our emotions.

What does one do in moments of harsh reality like these? You feel like lashing out, but to whom? Nobody is there to listen to our lashings. You only end up in frustrated tears, and a heart that feels betrayed, hurt beyond repair.

But time heals, and God is always there. Sometimes, one just has to remember that it is He in the first place who puts all these trials before us...and it is only He Who can repair these damages. One just has to be patient as to when God decides to heal it all.

As for now...life goes on...and you know what, I think so should I...

Unfortunately, truly Malaysian...

Salaam. It was only yesterday when I posted my post about not having any idea to write on my blog, and suddenly today, something caught my interest. I feel I just have to jot it down here.
Today I went to the Nephro Clinic at TAR Hospital for my routine kidney checkup. I was on medical leave for 3 days last week due to an injury I had sustained recently.
After about 90 mins of waiting, I finally got to see the doctor, and then I headed off to the dispensary to get my supply of medicine for the next 3 months.
So there I was, at 10.55 am, waiting for my turn to be called - 313. A big poster hangs on the wall with these words written, "You will be served at the latest, within 15 mins" in Malay. I decided to time my wait. And you know what? Whenever I am in my waiting mode, either I keep myself occupied with reading, writing or simply watching. This time I chose to watch. I sat right up front and watched as the lady number 312 sat at counter 3 waiting for her medicines. She looked really unwell, in fact she was resting her head on the desktop of the counter whilst waiting. The dispenser, a young lady, quite pretty, was another thing. She was so distracted, talking with her colleagues, and every now and then she would stand up, look up, scan the room and walk around. As a worker myself, I think that is not being too productive, not focused on the job.
Meanwhile, the ladies in the back who do the packaging of the medicines for the different patients, could be seen through the counter window. I watched as one of them does her chore, looking so sullen as she packed the pills and labeled them, then placed the packets of medicines into a small basket and then literally banged down the basket onto the conveyor outside the window to be collected by the dispenser and then distributed to the patient. Such was the atmosphere and scenario behind the counter as I sat and watched.
Since everyone was preoccupied, nobody but I noticed that a packet of the medicine intended for patient 312 had fallen off the basket when the lady behind the window slammed the green basket down on to the conveyor. Unaware, and in her non focused state,the young dispenser simply took the basket from the conveyor and started distributing the medicines to the sickly lady 312. My God! the amount of different medication she was receiving...my stomach got full just looking and thinking of her gulping down all those pills. The dispenser set out giving instructions, totally unaware of the dropped packet of medicines. The poor sickly lady didn't look as is she was even listening.
And then the patient up and left!
Eh...! what about the dropped package? Didn't the young dispenser know that the supply was insufficient? Then she buzzed 313 - me.
As soon as I came up, I couldn't help pointing this out to her. I told her of the dropped package and pointed it out to her. Initially she thought it was my medicines. But I corrected her and said it was for the previous patient. Her answer was what pressed me to post this blog. She smiled her pretty face at me and said,"O well, when she realises her supply is insufficient, she will come back."
Hello...and when will she realise her supply is insufficient? Surely not before she reaches home, if she realises it all. O come on, she was a really sick lady, and she is expected to return in the near future, prior to her next appointment to get her supply, just because one young dispenser was so unfocused on her job, and another was so grumpy banging medicines all over the conveyor? I stay very near the hospital, but I wouldn't be too eager to go to the hospital just for that reason, I assure you. What if the lady stays far away from the hospital? This blunder was so avoidable...had the workers been more focused on their job. And what is worse, it is the poor sick lady who has to pay the price for their negligence/inattentiveness while on the job.
As I walked back to my car, I told myself this incident I must share with my students in school tomorrow. And I wish to add that when we work to serve the public,we owe it to them to give our best, sincere service, not only because we are paid, but more so our actions will have repercussions on others...
I wonder...what if the grumpy lady behind the window had , in her grumpy mood, given the wrong medicine, and what if the young dispenser, in her diffused,unfocused state of mind had given it to the sick lady who was so sick she looked prepared to try anything anyone gives her?
I shudder at the thought.
One thing though, I left with my package of medicines at 11.10 - within the 15 min waiting time, as promised.

Renal Transplant - nostalgic reflection

Alhamdulillah..all praise be to Allah! Today is 19th of August 2007...exactly 19 years ago, this date, i had a new lease of life, a second chance to life, when i went through my renal transplant. Life has been kind since that day onwards...although i lost my second pregnancy after that, but all praise be to Allah, i now have 2 beautiful intelligent boys, Ashraf and Zakiy, the apples of my eyes.
I have been free of dialysis for 19 years now, n hope it will be so till the day i die. I surrendered my life to the Will of Allah when my kidneys failed me before, n so now too i surrender it to Allah too. One can only pray for the best, right. I am thankful to Allah, forever, eternally grateful to the Almighty.
U know what..my heart goes out to all those renal failure patients out there - living on dialysis machine, or on the CAPD or even worse, on the weekly PD is no life for anyone. For that, i m ever so grateful to my sister Oni, who came up 19 years ago n gave me one of her kidneys...just like that. When i asked her,"Why did you do it?" her answer was simple enough, but most profound to me,"You are my sister, and i love you." To me that is the real definition of unconditional love. I have honored her in an article i wrote n sent to the Women's Weekly magazine in US which was published in 1990, 2 years after my renal transplant.
I pray for all those end stage renal failure patients, that you too would be as fortunate and as blessed as i was. Dont give up hope..hope sometimes is just around the corner. Just remember the saying of the beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW), "every pain that is inflicted 0n one is accompanied with the expiation of his sin" and take comfort in that.
As for those of you who have toyed with the idea of being an organ donor, dont hesitate, do it now! Some one, some where...needs you.