Salam. Fifteen years ago, on Friday, 28th August 1992, at precisely 12.47 am, my baby boy was born. I had lost 2 sons previously before Allah blessed me with this one. Throughout my pregnancy my hubby and i had been vigilantly trying to find the best name we can for him, at that time thinking he would probably be the only one i have, considering my history of health problems. I wanted a name that he can be proud of, a name tht he strive to live up to...at the same time islamic as wel. I wanted him to be intelligent, wise, and for that people will respect him, an he will carry himself nobly. I wanted him to be noble, i wanted him to be a learned man one day. So, alhamdulillah, hubby dearest who have a fair knowledge of the Arabic language, turned up with this name that he carries today: AHMAD ASHRAF ILMAN- THE NOBLE LEARNED ONE. (noble for his knowledge)
As i look at him now, i marvel at how he has been living up to his name! He was talking by 7 months, both english and malay..coz ummi speaks to him in english all the time, while abah and makmok and the rest of the gang speak to him in malay. He could understand both, and speak both, quite perfectly too. He was blessed from the day he was born i m sure - throughout confinement up till he was nearly 3, he grew up amongst uncles, aunties, his grandmother, and even his cheerful, jovial great grand aunt! His aunty makmok, his grandmother Nenek, and his great grand aunt, Unyang, were his constant companions. I wonder if they were primarily the reason why he was mature for his age.
Ashraf, you are a gem to take care of. You were such a darling baby, easy to care for, coz from a very early age, u could speak and tell us what u wanted. When you were a baby, though, you already showed ur superiority...i remember clearly those days, whenever we were travelling, we had to park by the road side when it was your feeding time, You obviously did not like to drink your milk when the car was moving! I used to say the whole world must stop when it is Ashraf's feeding time...hahahaha.
I am so sorry ashraf..that you nver had even 1 drop of mother's milk. They say that babies who never suckle would grow up stubborn n unruly. I was determined to show them wrong. It is the mother's upbringing and the values that the father instils that will eventually shape the person. From the very onset, i was prevented from giving u breast milk coz of the steroids i was taking. So i was determined, that even on formula, when it was feeding time, i would carry u in my arms, and look at you lovingly, and give u the chance to look back at me, so we could bond, just as we would if u were breastfeeding. In fact, anyone who was given the task to feed him formula, had to do the same, just so he would not feel deprived. Alhamdulillah everyone was just too happy to bond with him. And i m so proud to say u hv grown up to be quite the gentleman...
I am so proud of you ashraf...you were always a sensitve child, even from when you were a small child. I remember once at such a tender age, how you cried when u watched the cartoon, "The Last Dragon" and when i asked you why, you said, " he is so lonely Ummi, he has no friends". And there was the time, when we deposited Unyang right in front of Nenek's house, due to her old age and very poor eye set, she could not even see the front gate right under her nose. You came down from the van, and guided her in. When you came back into the van, where i was waiting, there were tears in your eyes, and i could see u were trying to hide them, and you said," Poor Unyang, so old and so vulnerable" My darling baby, you were hardly 4 at tht time, but you were already sensitive to other ppl's suffering and hardship.
I am so sorry Ashraf... that you had to bear the effects of my steroid. Because of this, plus genetics, you are rather more hairy than your friends. I remember when you were still in your primary i think, due to ur big size, and your skin complexion which u inherit from me, your friends called u names...and i m so proud of the way u handled it. You came home telling me your friends called u names, n u asked me why u were rather hirsute. I explained with the scientific facts and all, and the next time ur firnds called u names, u explaind to them and u told them u nevr minded coz that was the Will of Allah u said. They stopped calling u names for awhile...at least. But your courage to say the truth...i salute u my darling son. And then there was the other occasion when u were in standard 4, when u protected ur friend who was being bullied by a form 4 boy. You told him that it was wrong in islam to hit another on the face, as that is where the uniqueness of Allah's creations lie, and for that he spanked you as well. I am so proud of u my son...and u took it within your stride.
I am so proud of you Ashraf...when one day ur kindergarten teacher informed me how Ashraf was an oustandingly good boy. You n ur friends were enjoying recess outside class, and everyone started to pick the flowers and play with them. You told them,"No" dont do that coz the plants need the flowers to reproduce" Your teacher was so impressed that she hugged you.
I truly respect you my son. You are my gifted son, you were already reading when u were just 3, and that open up a huge world of knowledge for you. You really r living up to your name. Till today, i hesitate to scold you, coz i know inside that brain of yours, sits many many verses of the Quran...compared to what's in mine, and even from the very beginning when you were quoting quranic verses,which to you, seemed just like any ordinary thing to do, it always amazes me and makes me feel so proud everytime u do it..and makes me really respect you. and i thank you, my son, for instilling it on to your little brother through your examples.
I am sorry Ashraf, that you had to face a rather rough times in the past 3 years of your secondary school - you are a mature boy, and as such u cannot accept some of your friends immature antics, and you hv strong values in you that u r able to see what is good n whts not. I know you r having great difficulty digesting ur friends' inclination towards rempit and hip hop, and all those western influence, but tht is the reality of life my son...i am just so proud, that you hv your own self discipline n not influenced till now. I know you r tyring ur best to help "dakwah" your friends...have patience.
For that i m sorry Ashraf, that you had to inherit some of my negative behaviours too, i can see that you share some of my flaws too..u can be quite impatient, n i know u got it from me. But i trust, as you grow older, you will learn to control your emotions when u r angry...
Ashraf my son, i want you to know this...i am so proud of you, will always be proud of you, and i have the utmost respect for the vast knowledge that is stored in your brain. I know sometimes u r frustrated when i never seem to be satisfied with ur results, even though u come home bringing strings of As. My son, i only do these things, coz i dont want your easy passage to success turn u into a cocky, over confident young man. I want u to realise that this gift that u have, this knack for storing vast information in ur brain, is a special gift from Allah. One that you should be so thankful for always, for the rest of your life, and use to the maximum..to better urself and to better our ummah, in the name of Allah and Islam.. Ican only say this: that i m thankful to Allah, i must have done something good to be honored with sons such as you and ur little brother, Zakiy. I am blessed by Allah, and your presence in my life, together with ur brother, have truly made up for the loss of your 2 older brothers.
Ashraf i am trying my very best to be a good mother to you, to be someone u can look up to, to be someone u cn be proud of. Parents always say to their children,"make me proud of you son". Well son, i want u to know I am very very proud of you. And on this special day which marks ur 15th birthday, i want to say this: Ashraf, I hope you too are proud of me, I hope you too can understand that all these years i m trying my best to raise u and ur brother to be good, devout muslims. Please forgive me where i hv erred in my ways, please excuse my weaknesses. Pls understand when i seem to demand only the best from you...you are my son, i know you can be the best..n in my own way, i am only trying to bring u there - to be THE BEST THAT YOU ARE!!! You and your brother, are the children that i hv always hoped to have Ashraf.
My son, i love you, always n forever u remain my baby...HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY SON....
UMMI
your guarding light....
As i look at him now, i marvel at how he has been living up to his name! He was talking by 7 months, both english and malay..coz ummi speaks to him in english all the time, while abah and makmok and the rest of the gang speak to him in malay. He could understand both, and speak both, quite perfectly too. He was blessed from the day he was born i m sure - throughout confinement up till he was nearly 3, he grew up amongst uncles, aunties, his grandmother, and even his cheerful, jovial great grand aunt! His aunty makmok, his grandmother Nenek, and his great grand aunt, Unyang, were his constant companions. I wonder if they were primarily the reason why he was mature for his age.
Ashraf, you are a gem to take care of. You were such a darling baby, easy to care for, coz from a very early age, u could speak and tell us what u wanted. When you were a baby, though, you already showed ur superiority...i remember clearly those days, whenever we were travelling, we had to park by the road side when it was your feeding time, You obviously did not like to drink your milk when the car was moving! I used to say the whole world must stop when it is Ashraf's feeding time...hahahaha.
I am so sorry ashraf..that you nver had even 1 drop of mother's milk. They say that babies who never suckle would grow up stubborn n unruly. I was determined to show them wrong. It is the mother's upbringing and the values that the father instils that will eventually shape the person. From the very onset, i was prevented from giving u breast milk coz of the steroids i was taking. So i was determined, that even on formula, when it was feeding time, i would carry u in my arms, and look at you lovingly, and give u the chance to look back at me, so we could bond, just as we would if u were breastfeeding. In fact, anyone who was given the task to feed him formula, had to do the same, just so he would not feel deprived. Alhamdulillah everyone was just too happy to bond with him. And i m so proud to say u hv grown up to be quite the gentleman...
I am so proud of you ashraf...you were always a sensitve child, even from when you were a small child. I remember once at such a tender age, how you cried when u watched the cartoon, "The Last Dragon" and when i asked you why, you said, " he is so lonely Ummi, he has no friends". And there was the time, when we deposited Unyang right in front of Nenek's house, due to her old age and very poor eye set, she could not even see the front gate right under her nose. You came down from the van, and guided her in. When you came back into the van, where i was waiting, there were tears in your eyes, and i could see u were trying to hide them, and you said," Poor Unyang, so old and so vulnerable" My darling baby, you were hardly 4 at tht time, but you were already sensitive to other ppl's suffering and hardship.
I am so sorry Ashraf... that you had to bear the effects of my steroid. Because of this, plus genetics, you are rather more hairy than your friends. I remember when you were still in your primary i think, due to ur big size, and your skin complexion which u inherit from me, your friends called u names...and i m so proud of the way u handled it. You came home telling me your friends called u names, n u asked me why u were rather hirsute. I explained with the scientific facts and all, and the next time ur firnds called u names, u explaind to them and u told them u nevr minded coz that was the Will of Allah u said. They stopped calling u names for awhile...at least. But your courage to say the truth...i salute u my darling son. And then there was the other occasion when u were in standard 4, when u protected ur friend who was being bullied by a form 4 boy. You told him that it was wrong in islam to hit another on the face, as that is where the uniqueness of Allah's creations lie, and for that he spanked you as well. I am so proud of u my son...and u took it within your stride.
I am so proud of you Ashraf...when one day ur kindergarten teacher informed me how Ashraf was an oustandingly good boy. You n ur friends were enjoying recess outside class, and everyone started to pick the flowers and play with them. You told them,"No" dont do that coz the plants need the flowers to reproduce" Your teacher was so impressed that she hugged you.
I truly respect you my son. You are my gifted son, you were already reading when u were just 3, and that open up a huge world of knowledge for you. You really r living up to your name. Till today, i hesitate to scold you, coz i know inside that brain of yours, sits many many verses of the Quran...compared to what's in mine, and even from the very beginning when you were quoting quranic verses,which to you, seemed just like any ordinary thing to do, it always amazes me and makes me feel so proud everytime u do it..and makes me really respect you. and i thank you, my son, for instilling it on to your little brother through your examples.
I am sorry Ashraf, that you had to face a rather rough times in the past 3 years of your secondary school - you are a mature boy, and as such u cannot accept some of your friends immature antics, and you hv strong values in you that u r able to see what is good n whts not. I know you r having great difficulty digesting ur friends' inclination towards rempit and hip hop, and all those western influence, but tht is the reality of life my son...i am just so proud, that you hv your own self discipline n not influenced till now. I know you r tyring ur best to help "dakwah" your friends...have patience.
For that i m sorry Ashraf, that you had to inherit some of my negative behaviours too, i can see that you share some of my flaws too..u can be quite impatient, n i know u got it from me. But i trust, as you grow older, you will learn to control your emotions when u r angry...
Ashraf my son, i want you to know this...i am so proud of you, will always be proud of you, and i have the utmost respect for the vast knowledge that is stored in your brain. I know sometimes u r frustrated when i never seem to be satisfied with ur results, even though u come home bringing strings of As. My son, i only do these things, coz i dont want your easy passage to success turn u into a cocky, over confident young man. I want u to realise that this gift that u have, this knack for storing vast information in ur brain, is a special gift from Allah. One that you should be so thankful for always, for the rest of your life, and use to the maximum..to better urself and to better our ummah, in the name of Allah and Islam.. Ican only say this: that i m thankful to Allah, i must have done something good to be honored with sons such as you and ur little brother, Zakiy. I am blessed by Allah, and your presence in my life, together with ur brother, have truly made up for the loss of your 2 older brothers.
Ashraf i am trying my very best to be a good mother to you, to be someone u can look up to, to be someone u cn be proud of. Parents always say to their children,"make me proud of you son". Well son, i want u to know I am very very proud of you. And on this special day which marks ur 15th birthday, i want to say this: Ashraf, I hope you too are proud of me, I hope you too can understand that all these years i m trying my best to raise u and ur brother to be good, devout muslims. Please forgive me where i hv erred in my ways, please excuse my weaknesses. Pls understand when i seem to demand only the best from you...you are my son, i know you can be the best..n in my own way, i am only trying to bring u there - to be THE BEST THAT YOU ARE!!! You and your brother, are the children that i hv always hoped to have Ashraf.
My son, i love you, always n forever u remain my baby...HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY SON....
UMMI
your guarding light....
2 comments:
Thanx Ummi... isk... terharu den... hua... jgnla cerita perkara2 nostalgik mcm ni... huhu...
LOVE U UMMI FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE FOR ME!!! ~muah~
wah... no edit, no censor, no filter, no spot-healing, how could you... kut ya pun letaklah gambar yang kecil sikit... tu dia penuh skrin den... huwa...
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